A case of mental constipation

For the past few months, I have been slowly working on Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map. I have found it so useful to connect with how I want to feel and basing my decisions on around my core desired feelings.

How do you want to feel?

I turned 30 last year and without even realising it, I went into a nesting mode. I have friends around me who are getting hitched and making little bambini. Unconsciously I wanted to feel like I was making some form of tangible progress and change too. One day I decided it was time for me to buy a property. This has come up a few times for me in the past few years, but never felt right. Back in my 20’s it was my time to really spread my wings and see the world.

The money I had planned to invest in a building, which represented certainty to me, was invested in me, which was gave me the best Return on Investment I could have ever asked for!

The Desire Map, illustrated to me my innate need to feel spacious – freedom and flexibility are my life forces. These feelings were reignited for me on my recent trip to Thailand with a good friend of mine.

When I returned home, I realised that my life back in Sydney was the exact opposite of exuding freedom and flexibility. My internal world was full to capacity. I had no room to take on anything new. I became forgetful and flakey – really not on top things.

I was experiencing a case of mental constipation. A million and one things racing through my head – yet a stale mate on taking any action. Do I buy? Do I invest? Do I rent again? Do I sign up to the course? Argh!!! I felt as though I couldn’t move forward, trying to make the “right” decision.

Intuitively I knew that once I made a choice about the issues that were consuming me, I would feel lighter, free and spacious. While I actively sought this in my physical environment, through going to the beach often and exploring new places, it was more and more becoming an internal issue.

To me a property represented so many things which I yearned for – stability and security, but also sacrifice and definitely not spaciousness. I knew the timing was just off.

On an interstate work trip the other day, I found that being in a new environment gave me the strength I needed to feel empowered and make decisions. I picked up the phone and said yes to something I should have done a long time ago. As soon as I did this I had the same feeling as I did when I went sky diving!

My decision was made – no more pros and cons. It was done. I had space to just be again and things started flowing again.