Lunchtime blues

Many people question me, as to how and why and how I am such a happy, optimistic and positive person. When people ask me, I say I have always been like that, but I do have my ups and downs as everyone else. Today, really felt like a bit of a dip into the pit of yuck.

I find it fascinating how the simple things such as the weather, the activities we choose to do and the people we hang out with can really have an impact on my mood and how I ultimately feel. I also find it funny that we do things, even though we know they are not going to us any good.

It is a grey, unseasonably cool day in the middle of summer in Sydney. I am back at work in the concrete jungle after an amazing summer break. I am feeling a bit shell shocked by it all. It is taking me a while to adjust being back at work, as with everyone else in the office. I decided today I would run around by myself and pop into a few shops, I need those types of lunch breaks sometimes. I went and purchased a pair of jeans as I intended and then since it was grey and cool, I continued shopping. No basking in the sun for this lizard at heart. Bad decision. I knew it was too, but I didn’t really want to go back to the office either. It felt like a loose, loose situation. I wandered the shops aimlessly, really taking in everyone around me racing around on a mission, knocking each other out in the process. Every time I have a lunch like that I remember why I rarely ever do that, I felt my anxiety levels rise a little too late.

Whilst waiting at the lights to cross the road, I quickly checked my emails on my phone. Yet another bad decision. I had an email with a header screaming at me in CAPITALS.  Don’t people know have any email etiquette? There is such thing as marking an email as important. It tipped me over the edge.

Today is a day I want to go into a cocoon and never come out. It is a sign for me to go home early, smell the sea air be by myself, drink tea, write, be and…recalibrate.

A place I would rather be.

I know that this feeling will pass, but right now it is all that I can think about. It is all I can feel. My chest feels tight, my stomach feels hollow. It is these times that make me appreciate the good times in life, to take a step back and really be grateful.