Born to be...wild

Much of my teenage and adult life has been spent getting my mane in order. I have very thick hair (as every hairdresser reminds me - trust me, I know!). I had a very bad hair cut when I was back in primary school, got teased so badly about it, so as soon as I was old enough began styling my hair myself. Over the years, I have chemically straightened, made my poor mother use an actual iron, blown up blowdriers, spent hours stretching and using the ghd, only to step out and have my hair frizz up at the first sight of any moisture. It takes a lot of time to do, I would have to dedicate a full night in my weekly schedule to getting it right - dead straight in my eyes.

As I started exercising more intensely at the end of last year,  I realised that my precious attitude toward my hair wasn't going to work anymore - something had to give. I needed to really assess what was important. I decided I could let go of the regimented hair taming. I embraced the natural kink, wave, curl - whatever it is. This was a big change for me. My hair was always perfectly manicured, now my hair was big and bolder than ever and I love it...why hadn't I done this earlier I thought?

I realised this was my form of control. I was trying to make my hair something that it wasn't. Like with many things we do. It got me thinking even more, how free I felt and how much less stress I had just embracing what I already have. Yes, I still stretch and tame my hair once in a while, but not all the time. How many times do we in our own lives, try to conform, to stretch, to hide who we really are for whatever reason it is? How much does it grate against who you are, yet you still push, even if it doesn't feel right..free yourself from your self-imposed restrictions and just...be.

Lunchtime blues

Many people question me, as to how and why and how I am such a happy, optimistic and positive person. When people ask me, I say I have always been like that, but I do have my ups and downs as everyone else. Today, really felt like a bit of a dip into the pit of yuck.

I find it fascinating how the simple things such as the weather, the activities we choose to do and the people we hang out with can really have an impact on my mood and how I ultimately feel. I also find it funny that we do things, even though we know they are not going to us any good.

It is a grey, unseasonably cool day in the middle of summer in Sydney. I am back at work in the concrete jungle after an amazing summer break. I am feeling a bit shell shocked by it all. It is taking me a while to adjust being back at work, as with everyone else in the office. I decided today I would run around by myself and pop into a few shops, I need those types of lunch breaks sometimes. I went and purchased a pair of jeans as I intended and then since it was grey and cool, I continued shopping. No basking in the sun for this lizard at heart. Bad decision. I knew it was too, but I didn’t really want to go back to the office either. It felt like a loose, loose situation. I wandered the shops aimlessly, really taking in everyone around me racing around on a mission, knocking each other out in the process. Every time I have a lunch like that I remember why I rarely ever do that, I felt my anxiety levels rise a little too late.

Whilst waiting at the lights to cross the road, I quickly checked my emails on my phone. Yet another bad decision. I had an email with a header screaming at me in CAPITALS.  Don’t people know have any email etiquette? There is such thing as marking an email as important. It tipped me over the edge.

Today is a day I want to go into a cocoon and never come out. It is a sign for me to go home early, smell the sea air be by myself, drink tea, write, be and…recalibrate.

A place I would rather be.

I know that this feeling will pass, but right now it is all that I can think about. It is all I can feel. My chest feels tight, my stomach feels hollow. It is these times that make me appreciate the good times in life, to take a step back and really be grateful.

The secret

As a Virgo and an INFP, it is clear to see that I can reside in a land of idealism. I thrive on an internal way of being, analysing, planning and perfecting.

My India trip really did almost tip me over the edge. I learnt that when you begin to embrace the different shades that life has to offer, that is when you really begin to expand. I realised that although I lived a pretty fulfilled life, something wasn't working for me. Things were missing and my internal and external world seemed to be in conflict. I went on a two week volunteering stint at the amazing Gwinganna Health Retreat and was exposed to various practitioners and their very different ways of thinking. I had unveiled the secret - an open mind. I took time out to recalibrate. I realised that it was time to embrace a much broader way of being. 

As a result I began to live more beyond my comfort zone than ever before, releasing myself from a strong system I had created. I started by getting a Personal Trainer, trying some new methods of dating, saying no to people and situations that didn't energise me, saying yes to things that freaked me out - like Powerlifting, getting a spirit-fuelled life coach, embracing my crazy curly hair and even starting this blog! 

                                             Great things never come from living in your comfort zone

This new way of being has meant I have been able to be more free, less restricted and open to all that life has to offer! I still operate very much on an internal level, but no longer feel weighed down in the pursuit of perfection.