The fairy tale in my head

Fairy tales were always my favourite type of story growing up. Knights in shining armour, princes, love, marriage...I was captivated by the idea of it all. This idealistic view of the world is one that I held for many years, really up until recently when I received a decent dose of reality. Dating in the 21st Century is not anywhere near those fairy tale stories, or even my parent's era, the world has changed, people are not always meeting the traditional way.

           Even as adult, I love feeling like a princess - even for a moment!

One Friday night, whilst reading my favourite tea and watching a romantic comedy, it dawned on me...the man of my dreams isn't going to come knocking on my door to ask me out to dinner, get on his knee and propose. I needed to put myself 'out there'. But what does that even mean? I had to swallow my pride and set aside my dreams and...try the new world of dating. Every ounce of my being shivered at the thought, but I thought, it could be fun?

 So, I succumbed and I set up an online profile on a dating website, stating all the important details - my height, profession, my likes and dislikes and sat waiting and cringing at the fact I did something I said I would never in a million years do! At first the process is fun and much like a game. As time goes on, you realise there really are some nice people to meet and...some not so nice ones (like in real life!). I have been on many dates now, too many to count and many stories to tell. Chemistry can never really be measured until you meet someone in person. I am a firm believer of the 'instant click'. Sometimes it feels like you really jump through hurdles to get to know someone, then you meet and if there is no spark, it can be a bit disheartening.

I have learnt though to never say never, I recently even tried Speed Dating with some friends. It was an interesting experience. I will probably never do it again, but we had a great night anyway. So even though I am still in the dating game, I know I am trying and getting one step closer to my real-life fairytale in the process.

50 shades of grey

Over the years I have transformed myself many a time. I was a hippy, grunger, clubber, workaholic, raw foodie, vegetarian, yogini (just to name a few). I have lived in a realm of extremes. When I am passionate about something I want to live and breathe it and this, I am sure, is something that my family can attest too, seeing me go through all of my 'phases'! After arriving home from India last year, I had a lot of time to really reassess my life, things change so much when you visit a place like Mother India. It is inevitable. I began questioning my black and white approach to life. I was always quick to assign myself a label of what I was and wasn't and after India nothing seemed to fit anymore. It was an existential crisis. I was on struggle street until I began to embrace all the different shades of grey that life had to offer.

I needed time to process this epic trip. Light bulb after light bulb moment came and turned my life upside down - for the better. I decided to have a break from my usual routine and this included a hiatus from my yoga practice, simply I was no longer enjoying it. As a friends said, 

"Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing."

I felt like I had left myself off the hook. It was a nice feeling. Shortly after, I began to look into my choice to be a vegetarian. Was it right for me still? It took me five months to contemplate the idea to eat meat after about four years following the diet. I tried it, it felt right and that's OK. It's OK to change your mind, I no longer feel guilty for feeling like a walking contradiction at times. Now, I have eased myself back into yoga. And, I am more accepting of myself as a meat-eating yogini, with all the shades of grey than ever before!

A Xerox saved my life

Over the years, the word recalibrate has become more and more common in my vocabulary. It's a funny story how this word imbued meaning in my life. My background is in marketing, which means lots of deadlines, colour printing and hogging the printer whilst the office secretly curses you for holding up their own printing jobs. Anyway, I was in the midst of a crazy deadline, rushing around, bumping into everyone and everything. I would hover around the printer with the secret hope that somehow my presence would make the machine go faster, instead it did quiet the opposite - to my horror. The machine seemed to stop in the middle of the job and was clearly stalling in my eyes, but when I went closer to investigate if I needed to change over the printer cartridge (I was really hoping this wasn't the case), but instead the printer panel said the machine was 'recalibrating'. It took me a second to comprehend why this was even happening. Sure enough a few minutes passed and the machine started up again.

This light-bulb moment happened at an opportune time in my life. I was working crazy hours, working through my lunch break, no time to do anything but crash when I got home. I really felt like a machine. I lost my true essence, playing politics to rise up the corporate ladder, drinking my weekends away to find an outlet to forget everything that was grating against the very core of who I am. It took a relationship break-up around this very same time, to really give me the opportunity to reexamine my life.

This is my ode to checking in with  myself and being OK with not running around like a machine anymore. It isn't sustainable to keep churning away, just like the printer  we need to reassess, to refine, to transform and to recalculate. It is in these moments that we may decide that what we are doing at the moment no longer serves us, or it simply may be a pause to recharge and to return to our path with new-found energy and zest.

Enjoy! x