A collective state of mind

With Christmas just around the corner, the idea of having my loved ones together and connecting is at the forefront of my mind.

But what about those not within our inner circles? Or those who have drifted out of our lives for one reason or another? Maybe it is time to break down those barriers and reach out.

We live such highly connected lives, yet we still suffer from high levels of anxiety, loneliness and social isolation.

Going wide

I was recently introduced to the idea of going wide. The late Steve Jobs was used as a reference point here, whereby he would 'drop-in' to calligraphy classes after dropping out of his degree. The knowledge Jobs gained came in handy down the track, namely when typefaces were born! 

This concept also works with people as much as it does with expanding one's mind creatively. Opening up your inner circles introduces you (and your mates) to people outside your everyday life, people who have diverse backgrounds, ways of thinking and values. It's a win, win.

I find the more my social circle opens, the more I see how inter-connected we really are and that six degrees of separation is no myth.

                                                          Right now my world's are seriously colliding - and I love it!

Having a collective state of mind is not hard, it may be as simple as inviting a new person along to your usual breakfast catch up, having a party and mixing all of your friends together, inviting people along to things that are you consider an acquaintance...that simple act could change your status friends. 

You can never have too many friends at the end of the day right?

Maybe I was wrong

I really can't say whether it is just age, but over the years, I seem to have taken back many of those 'I would never' statements that I have made. It rattles me in a way, and sometimes it makes me feel super fickle, but on other days it just shows that I am adaptable and flexible and open to changing my beliefs on things and I kind of like that.

The funny thing is that the things that I was most passionately opposed to, are what I have really back-tracked and ultimately changed my mind on and really taught me the most valuable lessons. 

I would never...

I was opposed to living by myself, travelling alone, going to Bali and India, backpacking and hostelling, eating meat, trying online dating, living with a random flatmate and living with a friend. Gosh, talk about a whole load of self-imposed restrictions...and all of the above I now done and so grateful that I did too!

                                                       At an Ayurvedic Centre in Kerala, Southern India

I still have a few 'I would never' statements that I have begun to see that maybe I am still limiting life's options...like I always said I would never date a younger guy, but so many couples I know are living and breathing proof that I need to change that one up.

My job

My career has seen me start off in corporate, I became a bit jaded by the whole thing and moved into the Government and not-for-profit sector and said I would never move back into corporate. My aim was to do my bit for the world and work around people who shared a similar value system to me. I've come to realise that just because you work in a certain sector, doesn't make you a good or a bad person. 

Whether you work for profit or on the other side, if you follow your passions and you are making the world a better place - whether it be through bringing innovative products to make our lives easier, designing cool artwork for small businesses or being a human rights advocate, whatever it is, then that is awesome.

I've changed my mind (again)

And yes, I just landed a job back in corporate, I have to laugh, I was really sure I would never jump back over. But you know, I am living and breathing my passions of health and wellness during my 9 - 5, the very thing that lights me up and that makes me happy.

Never say never, as you just don't know.

The Irish Pub light-bulb moment

I've never been a big pub dweller. This changed in the past year, as my life has been filled with Irish people (with the biggest hearts) and what better way to hang with them then to frequent the pub? I have to admit it, pubs slowly grew on me. I guess I always associated pubs and even bars to an extent with simply drinking, I never really saw any substance to it...until I went to watch a brilliant documentary which has literally turned my world-up-side down.

Jilly,  one of my Irish mates and also one of the sweetest people I know, asked me if I wanted to go and see a doco about the institution of The Irish Pub, called just that. As soon as I saw the trailer, I was sold. The film encapsulated the infamous dry Irish humour, the amazing scenery and what struck me the most, was the utter warmth of the Irish community.

Much like a church, a pub is where people come together. The film showed people of all ages in pubs all throughout the country, coming together to share their lives, their woes, their wins.

An old chap was interviewed in the film and what he said really struck a chord with me...he said, why should I go home to an empty house and stare at a box alone, when I could be with my mates at the pub? This really spoke to me...life is about the connections and communities we create. All to often, especially nowadays, we are physically isolating ourselves. We are spending our precious time living life through a computer. Being with your tribe whether at the pub or any location of your choice is always going to make you happy.

I am a big believer that you create your reality and the other day my neighbour, who I have bumped into a few times and always said hi to, but that was about it, knocked on my door to ask for a cup of rice. You have no idea how happy that made me! I know that if I ran out of rice, I would naturally race down the hill to the shops, how self-contained have we become? I gave her the cup of rice and the next day she dropped me off a beautiful bunch of flowers, that made my day. She was so grateful and so was I.

We don't have to be islands. I am so passionate about bringing people together, reaching out and creating communities. Because that is what makes the world so much of a better place to be.

To Instagram or talk?

I have been intrigued recently with the whole concept of going back to basics and living simply. Nowadays, we all lead busy lives and we have an abundance of choices and technology available to us each and every moment of our lives. But sometimes I think these can overcomplicate, desensitise and even break down the core sense of community.

Everything can now be done in the comfort of your own home, you no longer need to physically be at a class if you want to complete your studies, you watch an online lecture on your phone. Which is great and oh so convenient, but I also feel that these great advances in technology mean that the chance of new friendships and relationships forming in a real life and organic manner are now getting less and less possible.

People walk through the streets of the city, never looking up from their phones. I have nearly been knocked out countless times from this. I am guilty of half listening to conversations whilst checking my phone. I once went to a social media lecture, which reported a crazy amount of people checking Facebook before doing anything else when they wake up in the morning.

I may sound very anti-technology. I am not. I just think we are over-doing it...a tad! 

I once dated a guy that refused to conform and did not use a phone. It was cool at the start, but that quickly turned to frustrating when I couldn't communicate if I was running late! I am not advocating that everyone ditch their phones, maybe we re-think how we use them.

One morning I caught a cab in for a morning meeting I was having. I hailed the cab, sat down, put my seatbelt on and told the driver where I was off to. I automatically went for my phone, for no reason, but to fill in the idle time. It was there I decided I had a choice, I could use my phone to distract me or I could have a proper human conversation with the man who was driving me. Luckily, I chose to converse with my Taxi driver, we had such a great conversation about this very topic and I gained a little insight into his life. That conversation made my day.

So next time you are faced with a choice, to needlessly distract yourself with the happenings on social media, or to actually share a story or two with another human, I dare you to put down that phone, go back to basics and chat. You never know what doors will open from it.

A blast from the past

It's been a while since my last post. If I am honest, I have not been in the right head space to write. It's funny, writing is my outlet but I often resist doing it when things get all too much. I made the decision to keep this channel lower on my list of growing, but exciting projects, but after lunching with a great friend (and fellow blogger) today I was inspired to put pen to paper again and tell you a story.

A few months ago, I was lucky enough to see the divine Danielle La Porte speak at a one-off event in Sydney, organised by the awesome Wake Up Project. One of the key take-outs I took from her talk was to not share (or air) your crap on your blog, or with your tribe when you are going through something. Do it after. It made a lot of sense to me. Which is probably why I haven't really shared anything in a while. Sharing after always removes the emotion and you always have the wisdom of hindsight. Something we can never have enough of.

Danielle La Porte on stage

So a few months back, I took part in an amazing speaking seminar with Carren Smith. It was not your ordinary workshop, yes we learnt techniques of getting your point across, but Carren has some magic about her, that makes you feel like an epic human being. I walked out of that seminar on top of the world.

With Carren Smith after the course 

I was walking up the street in the Sydney CBD feeling as though no one could stop me from what I wanted. That I could do anything. It was a pretty amazing feeling. I was euphoric...maybe for a minute or so...until I hear my name being called. Which by the way totally interrupted my internal soundtrack that I had playing, while I was imagining myself in my own dance music clip (that is on my bucket list, just so you know). I quickly assumed that the call out was not for me and recommenced my feeling of being on top of the world. Until I was rudely interrupted by the sound of my name being called again from across the street. My euphoria quickly turned into panic when I realised who was calling my name.

The thing is, maybe I should provide some context...I was one of those people that had a high school sweetheart, which spanned a decade. The relationship needed to end, it did very cleanly but it was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. Getting over the break up of this took me a long time, but I soon realised I was dealing not only with the loss of my first love but I lost a family. More specifically and importantly, I lost ties with a woman who treated me and loved me like her daughter and I saw her as a second mother.

It was so hard for me to grasp the idea to grieve the loss of someone who hasn't actually passed on. 

She tried to maintain contact with me and even though she is always in my thoughts, the idea of keeping contact was not feasible or realistic to me.

This woman, who I missed so dearly was now across the road from me. I was in a state of shock. I just really never expected to see her in the city. There are places that I would purposely avoid, to ensure no unexpected meetings occur, but alas, it was Mother's Day and it seemed we were both searching for some closure.

In Bosnia together many years ago

We sat and drank coffee, she smoked, just like my own mum. Some things never change. I was able to say thank you for everything, something I always wanted to say to her face after the break up. How much I appreciated all the unconditional support and love.

We updated each other on happenings - births, deaths and marriages. It felt like so much time had passed, yet none at all.

This meeting conjured up so many things for me. I was so sad to say goodbye to her. Yet again.  I recently came to realise that to me, she represents a woman who was very much like my dad's mumma - Nanna Carmen. A woman who exuded love. She wasn't afraid to share it and express it, with a million and one kisses and hugs and of course her trade mark cheek pinching which I loved, even though it hurt!

So although this chance meeting rattled me. It was needed. I think we both got what we needed. The words, a final hug and a kiss. She will be in my heart forever.

Guest Blog: Margie Vorillas

My friend Margie is a true kindred spirit. She has such energy and zest for life that is infectious. Margie is great at looking outside the box and providing a refreshing perspective on things. She is passionate about living a fulfilled life and she is a true inspiration to me. Here are her musings on recalibration...

Life gets a little dull when you stay in one spot for too long. I’m talking about that feeling, when you become too familiar with something. The feeling of being too comfortable in your environment. You get itchy feet, you want to travel, move, change things up, maybe even do something reckless. Sometimes you just need to recalibrate!

My work place recently moved a 5.5 minute walk from my home. When I first heard we were moving, I was awakened with excitement, thinking about trips home on my lunch break. I thought it was a dream come true, I could go home to drink hot chocolate, and perhaps fit in little nanna nap. Unfortunately, one minor detail was left off my dream list - I would become stuck in my own version of Ground Hog Day!  

Suddenly I was stuck, in a monotonous routine. Compared to the variety and excitement I’d become accustomed to while working in the big city. In the city I would run across the harbour bridge weekly, have lunch dates in wonderful cafes. Around every corner in the CBD, was a new experience to be embraced. And now, my lunch time is replaced with dumplings, dumplings and more dumplings!

A few months after the move I wanted to pull my hair out, because I felt I was going mad. I began to fantasise about the next big, expensive holiday (I had just come home from 3 months in Mexico). And free time was spent scheming about ways to get back in the city. I was confused, because I love what I do for work, and didn't want to change my job. But I felt frustrated being stuck in suburbia, day in and day out.

Then one afternoon, after work, I had a moment of recalibration! I went to the grocery store, to buy tomato paste. My mind was screaming 'Blrggh I don't want to go to the same local shopping centre again'. I listened to that voice, and drove the extra ten minutes, to a shopping centre in the next suburb. Surprisingly, this small trip shifted me into recalibration.

The neighboring shopping centre was recently renovated. Suddenly I was immersed in sparkly new surroundings. I wandered around curiously, observing the small differences in the new centre. I explored the fresh new shops, ate at an unfamiliar cafe. It was a satisfying experience, for my curious and adventurous soul.

That day I learnt escape through crazy travel adventures, and emotionally charged ideas, is not always the answer. If you feel down in the dumps on a routine day, take a small dip into a new experience. This will help keep the everyday interesting and vibrant. Especially if you wish to stay grounded, and focused on the  bigger vision. Simply get creative with your daily routine, and mix it up a little.

If you’re a gym junkie, go for a swim at the pool one day. Why not book a ticket to an interesting seminar or talk? You could start a side project? Or simply download an album from an unknown artist.

Tomorrow I shall embark on my standard 5.5 min walk to work. But to keep things fresh in Ashfield tomorrow, I will drive to the beach for a morning walk,  use coloured pens instead of the standard black and red colours, email a friend in Spanish, then cook a meal I’ve never tasted.

About Margie...

You will usually find Margie working on a major event campaign, coordinating a private wedding/ function or hosting a quirky party for friends and family. Margie loves bringing communities together and creating buzzing environments through events and festivals. Alongside her love for organising events, she also enjoys learning Spanish, does a little rock n roll dancing with her husband Chris, runs and likes to travel the world. Simply put, Margie believes in approaching life in a creative manner as it makes everyday life remarkably interesting and fulfilling.

Life is a verb

     One of the great things about weddings is getting to know your friend's families. You often hear all about them in stories, but it is so great getting to meet them in the flesh. A few years back I met the lovely Margie at work. A true kindred spirit, it was as if our lives were bound to cross paths. 

    

     Margie would often meet up with her Aunty Jane at lunchtime, when she would return from her lunch dates she would always tell me the awesome things that her Aunty was up too. When Margie started to get into running, I was so impressed to hear that her Aunty Jane was going to join her!

     The years soon passed and Chris and Margie decided to get hitched! It was an exciting time! It wasn't really until the hens party did I really get a chance to chat with Jane. She is full of fun and the life of the party and I just love how she made so many amazing changes in her life. It really just shows, that with determination and passion anyone can change the direction of their life and head down a new path. Here is more on Jane...

What was the catalyst for you to overhaul your lifestyle?

I didn't have some major epiphany. I just decided that I had enough of doing what I was doing and decided to change it.

Jane at the start line of the Mother’s Day Classic, in memory of her friend Saskia who passed away last year from Breast Cancer

What are some tips you suggest for those considering to make a big lifestyle change?

Make a commitment and stick to it. Surround yourself with supportive people. Set goals, small and big. Reward yourself when you achieve a milestone. If I have a bad day, I acknowledge that and I start afresh the next day.

What does a typical day off look like for you?

A day off for me involves doing something for myself, massage, pedicure, a bit of reading or knitting. I also like having a catch up with friends and I love baking. A “nanna nap” on the lounge doesn’t go astray as well.

What are some of your fav activities to rest and recalibrate?

I love reading and knitting and crochet. I usually have two books on the go, one fiction and one non-fiction. I also love magazines, especially running and anything to do with health and fitness. At the moment I’m making “baby boxes” which consist of a knitted toy and then other bits and pieces like nappies, baby powder, baby wondersuit, singlets, all put together in a presentation box.

What does ‘recalibrate’ mean to you?

Recalibrate to me means to re-energise, have a review of the present and make new choices for the future.

Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Extrovert. I am a people person, love social occasions. I have recently joined a Womens Charity Organisation called Zonta which raises money for women’s issues and from June 2014 I am the Secretary of our particular Club, Sydney East.

What’s your favourite smell?

I love the smell of baking and roses.

Are you a morning person or night owl?

Morning person. My husband once said to me that daytime is for doing stuff and nighttime is for sleeping.

         Jane with her lovely hubby at Margie and Chris' wedding 

What types of exercise do you do?

• Strength training
• Running
• Boot camp

Jane completed the Relay Half Marathon in May last year, with her friend Haley 

Do you have any running events coming up?
The Gold Coast Half Marathon (21.1km) on 6^th July 2014.